Well, with the help of some fantastic friends, my house is looking less like I am practicing to be on the reality show Hoarders and more like a home. Since I have had the mega dumpster, my friends have gone out of their ways to help me clean reorganize and most importantly purge. Out with the old and in with the…well, new to me…
Anyway, my kiddos are running around in the house freely (well, at this moment they are all in bed, but they can) without my worrying about what the baby is going to get into or pull onto his head. I know that my friends have been instilling this into my head (as has my hubby) but the house feels different without all the stuff cluttering it up. I know for some people this is a “duh” statement, but it is a really difficult thing to come to when you have a severe attachment to stuff, and it is something that I had to come to on my own. It is only upon sitting by myself in my clean, organized kitchen with my panic attacks an uncomfortable memory, that I can really reflect on it. Of course people were giving me gentle hints, saying vague things like “your house is going to feel different without all the stuff cluttering it up” and “seriously, April, you need to get rid of some of this shit” but sometimes I miss the point of those types of unclear statements.
Joking aside, I really do have some pretty decent issues surrounding personal possessions and letting go of them. My friends have seen me through panic attacks where I literally have to walk out of a room in order to not see them throw stuff away. And amazingly, these friends continue to come to my house, return my phone calls and love me no matter what, and I really appreciate that. Of course, I have other friends that have not seen that particular side of me but who have seen me through other tough times and remain by my side ten, even twenty years later.
As I sit in my clean house (shit! I was hoping to surprise my husband and not tell him how nice it looks until he got home. Blew that one, eh baby? ) I am reflecting on all the blessings in my life and with all the stuff that is in the thirty yard dumpster, I am thinking of things I am thankful for; my husband who is living something I cannot even imagine and will never be able to in all my time in this incarnation, my children who are surrendering their Daddy to his country in service for a little while longer, and my family…those that I was born related to, those that are family by marriage, and those that I got to pick. To all, I am eternally grateful.