There is an unease on days like today, a tension rippling through my very being.
Today is another in a long line of child filled, busy days. Don’t misunderstand me, I love my children and I love that I am a stay at home mumma. However, it is days like today that strain on my patience. My littlest boy refuses a nap today. When I put him in his room, he played for a while and then proceeded to yell and band on the door until he was retrieved from his bed. This would not always be a problem, but he woke up his father, who worked last night. Though he is squealing in glee, the sound is grating in my ears today for lack of respite.
I had plans for his nap time; plans for chores, plans for relaxation, plans for time to myself. These plans have been pierced by the over tired whining and continuous “Mumma” that issue forth from a two-year old. Though he smiles at me in impish innocence, his smiles, today, are rarely more than two feet away from me. He has been in my lap, in my arms, tickling and chattering to me. He has grabbed my hand from where ever I am, whatever I am doing, and he has pulled me to his tasks. Again, I love to play with him and we have done so, but there is no break, no rest. He jumps from the couch, despite my admonitions.Today is full of noise, which is to be expected with children, but oh how I was looking forward to nap time. Selfishly, I feel cheated. And for that, I feel guilty.