What the hell, America?

The next thing I am going to say usually is said along with some bigoted bullshit as a way to prove that the speaker isn’t a bigot, but that is not the case.

I have black, white, cis, trans, female, male, bi, gay, brown, polyamorous, amazing friends. And we, as a country, failed them-us. We failed us.  Much like the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, “I didn’t vote for him.” Much like the elections- both- in Maine that elected Paul Lepage, I am saddened and horrified that this happened. Lepage won by split votes among the other two candidates. He had more. And it is killing our state.

All the progress that was long overdue but finally realized during the Obama administration may very well be unraveled. All the rights that several communities gained may now be revoked.

And before you say “I didn’t vote for him because of all the racist, misogynist, whatever crap he spouted” I call bullshit. That is the only information that he gave you. He never revealed any plans for running the country other than building a wall and making mexico pay for it and deporting immigrants. He incited violence. He spoke hate. He said vile, hideous things. And he will be in charge of our military.

I have already heard of violence against a friend.

Last night I dreamed that Hillary won. I had fallen asleep to several states fallen to Trump, but it was early in the evening and I had hope. I told myself to be prepared for Trump to win, just in case.

My dream, though. My dream was beautiful. First of all, I got to hang out with the POTUS and the FLOTUS in a cabin with others and secret service hanging out. And he wanted to be friends on FB cause he thought I was cool. And I told him it would probably be easier to have him friend me cause NSA and all that. It was a dream, it was lovely.

And then, at the Inauguration, Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, wearing identical outfits, got up on stage and they danced a choreographed and silly fun dance just enjoying the moment and celebrating. And it was a beautiful.

Then I woke, and the Washington Post App that is on my Kindle said “Trump Triumphs” And as I have seen the app do often, I was hopeful that it was from days ago and hadn’t changed. So when Chris came into the room to grab Spencer’s clothes for the day, I said “It happened, didn’t it?” The anguish on his face was enough, even without the nod he gave me. I awoke to a nightmare.

And so, I have been expressing my sentiments and condolences and sorrow online on FB. And here I am doing the same. My heart is broken for all the people that he expressed hate for. Including myself. I am a woman, after all. My heart is broken for the country. My heart is broken for my sister, who protested this monster and for our mother who raised us to know we deserve better (whether or not it sunk in) My heart is broken for my other sister. My heart is broken for my father who raised three daughters that now live in this world. Mt heart is broken for my brother. My heart is broken for my husband who fought for a country that just voted for a horror he disagrees with on all levels. My heart is broken for my boys who, at least for the next four years, will hear news reports of this horrible man. My heart is broken for all the people he has targeted. I am just all over heart hurt.

What I’m going to do today is run into the world of Shannara on the television and Whisperwood on my computer. I need to run away from this reality for a while. It hurts too much.


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